Sat Sep 09, 2017 10:18 pm
It was recommended that I have some help with writing the "About Me" page. They also wanted me make changes and then post a before and after pages.
The first link is what is already on the site. It was one of the first pages that we wrote and was published in 2015. I have been told that this is stiff / mechanical and did not connect with the reader.
So we reread MYCP and rewrote the page. We have revised it several times and think it is 100% better. Should we make even more changes?
Please critique. Does the new page need to be better? Does it connect with you? Especially my target audience of parents of 4 - 8 year olds?
Also this page did not pass analyze It The keyword is not in a subtitle, it is not in the first 90 characters, etc. I feel that if I made the changes the writing would become stiff and mechanical.
Thanks for your time,