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#1380909 by Karen from Mackey
Sat Sep 09, 2017 10:18 pm
Hi,
It was recommended that I have some help with writing the "About Me" page. They also wanted me make changes and then post a before and after pages.

The first link is what is already on the site. It was one of the first pages that we wrote and was published in 2015. I have been told that this is stiff / mechanical and did not connect with the reader.

[Domain Private]/about-kgmcrafts.html

So we reread MYCP and rewrote the page. We have revised it several times and think it is 100% better. Should we make even more changes?

[Domain Private]/about-us-at-kgmcrafts.html

Please critique. Does the new page need to be better? Does it connect with you? Especially my target audience of parents of 4 - 8 year olds?

Also this page did not pass analyze It The keyword is not in a subtitle, it is not in the first 90 characters, etc. I feel that if I made the changes the writing would become stiff and mechanical.
Thanks for your time,
Karen
#1380979 by margarita from USA
Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:08 pm
Hi I thought that the about me page was really cute!
I like the picture of you two. I think that is so sweet that
A mother and daughter have a site together! Only thing I wished to
see was a picture of you two working on an actual craft together
in action :D
Hope this helps! :D
#1381070 by Karen from Mackey
Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:53 pm
Thanks for the response
I am glad that I don't have to pass Analyze It!.
I will consider making a picture of us doing crafts. Probably we will make a video sometime in the future.
Thanks,
Karen
#1381217 by Cari from caricorbetowen.com
Thu Sep 14, 2017 7:45 pm
HI Karen, I loved your writing style and thought it was informal, friendly and perfect for a craft site! Loved your headings which immediately spoke to of someone with an unusual way of looking at the world (which I liked) I think the only thing I wasn't crazy about was that I found that very blue left hand column a bit distracting and kept pulling my eye away from your actual page. I don't know if that was what you wanted or not, but I did think that maybe a slightly more muted blue might be better.
#1381222 by Karen from Mackey
Thu Sep 14, 2017 9:10 pm
Cari Thanks for the review. I am glad that you liked the writing style. As you can see we are in the process of changing the style slightly so that hopefully it will be more engaging.
BTW I visited your site. It is very interesting. Something I will need to read more. When I have the time. :)
#1381233 by Cari from caricorbetowen.com
Thu Sep 14, 2017 11:58 pm
Glad you found it interesting:) It's a subject that totally absorbs me:)
#1382463 by Kathy from Mintaro
Thu Sep 28, 2017 8:13 am
You have found your unique "voice"...lovely, style of talking with your readers. I am loving your About Page.
#1382488 by Karen from Mackey
Thu Sep 28, 2017 3:38 pm
Thanks for the kind words. We are also getting some help from a Site Pro.
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